Wrong Combination
After seven years I finally found the chemistry I longing for, but only to realize that I have to let it go. I thought I can manage the emotional consequences, but I was wrong..., I only hope time (again) could help me to cope with reality (as always), although the radio is not with me at the moment, (it play 'Right Combination' by Donnie Wahlberg and Mari Hamada)...phew..
Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop
Falling in Love at A Coffee Shop...this song really occupied my mind for almost a week. It is a very nice song though...simple but tells alot. Suddenly this song just suits me at this moment and I keep asking myself...do I really feel the butterflies in my stomach??
Manage Rotterdam
I just realized, it's been almost two years since my last post. Here I am at the different side of the globe away from home...at the land where windmills are famous, at the city that claimed have the biggest port in Europe, Rotterdam, the Netherlands.
I never thought I would go this far before, eventhough I always dreaming to visit Europe someday, I never really thought that the day is acctually came to my door. An opportunity was offered for an exchange program for about 2,5 months which I gratefully accepted.
I know there will be pros and cons followed my decisions to take the opportunity-which acctually popped up less then a week after I arrived in the Netherlands-but that is the risk I had to deal with.
I just ended my 2nd week in Rotterdam, although I feel a bit lost cause there is no clear direction to whatever I supposed to do here, still I try to manage...Rotterdam.
29 years old and a little bit more
So here I am at 29 years old of age and a little bit before turning 30. I asked friends who already at that stage how they feel about turning 30. Some said 'nothing change, just usual', others said 'they feel a little bit curious about what will they do next, considering they (probably) at their half time of existence in the world', but most would feel uneasy, knowing that at their age of 30 they haven't reached what they already planned in their life. So, loads of questions arise in my head, 'what about me? what I already accomplished in life? do I make progress? have I managed my time and make good use of it? what I already do for the society?'
Frankly, on the day on my 29th birthday, I just feel the usual. On that day I had to work all day, and the nice surprise came at the end of my working hour, my best friend provided a birthday cake that she reserved specially for this occasion. Some of friends and collegues then joint us and have theirselves a piece of birthday cake and later we went to a restaurant to have dinner as a celebration of my birthday.
Before going home me and my best friend stop by to a coffee shop and our barista friends, knowing that that day is my birthday saving a choco muffin as my birthday cake. It's very lovely of them.
I came home and suddenly I felt that I'm not the same person I used to be. I've been trough lots of things, my life has been ups and downs but till today I managed those things that nearly not possible before.
And I decided, my life is not usual, birthday is a probably a reminder for all of us about who we are, what we already did and how we'd like to colour our lives.
Happy 29th birthday!
So, it's a date!
OK, it's been a while since my last post and I realized that about 50% of my posts are merely complaints about anything I can think of...may be 30% are stories and the rest are just lines I'd like to drop out.
Here's another story:
I have a friend that I considered (note that: considered!) known for almost a year (well, probably 10 months to be exact). Since the first time I knew him, he asked me out couple of times which I politely refused. You probably asked me why? is there something wrong with that guy? To be honest, I don't know.
I knew him trough an online friendship network calls friendster (you all must be familiar with this network) and the acquaintance grows trough chats and phone calls. Sometimes we talk for hours (thanks to CDMA provider that makes the calls cheap as hell) almost about anything, and the funny thing is, either one of us don't bother and become a pretender (well at least I am) cause most of the time when we had discussions and argued I feel no boundaries between us. The relationship itself has ups and downs, meaning that sometimes we call each other couple of times in a week and sometimes there's no discussions for a month, but the connection still there.
About 3 weeks a go he asked me out (again) and I gave him exactly the same answer that I don't want to meet him cause I want the friendship lasted and physical congregation is not a necessity. Anyway, this time he really asked me to accept his will and I finally said yes (well, after all I'm a grown up and there's nothing harm meeting a new friend that I 'known' for almost a year, right? and you'll never know what you would find right? it might turn something fun, so I thought, why not?), and the weird part is we haven't set a date, we only agree that we will meet (and it is confirmed as a date). So, I will have a date, I don't know when (probably in 1 or two weeks), let's see what will happen. I just hope it will be a good one and I will have a good time. Wish me luck!
Trapped
Somehow and I don't know why, I always feel trapped. Trapped in situation that I don't desired, when feels like there's no 'escape clause' to say NO. I want to run away and leave everything behind, but I don't have enough gut to do that. I don't have guts for being 'selfish' though I'm ready to take the concequences of my behaves if I do so.
Many times I feel stupid cause I still sit on the same chair, although I make huge progress, but inside, I feel a deep degradation.
I become an idiot, hoping prince charming will come to save my day and everything will be OK. sounds ridiculous huh?
Guess, it's already too much and I'm carried away too far. I need to settle down to think it all over.
Time Break!
Finally...1 more day to go!
This is the third week that I have to summon the graduates-to-be. I never thought it will be so time consuming and make me feel so exhausted. Every end of semester always become a busy period, especially for those who about to finish their study and graduate. July or August (always between these 2 months) are the worst. Tomorrow is the last day for students who plan to graduate this semester to present their mini thesis in front of the lecturers (who are selected to summon the presentation of the mini thesis, present questions and decide whether the student pass the summon and are deserve to be awarded a bachelor degree).
Anyway, these works will finally end tomorrow. I feel so relief, at least now I can sleep without being stress out. Students probably never know that I also feel stress out when I have to summon them, especially when I have to read more than 5 mini thesis (the last one are 8) in only one night that at least consist of 120 pages each (some are even close to 200 pages). Yesterday I only slept for 2 hours, the day before I slept for 3 hours and it's been going on for almost 3 weeks.
I'm so glad it will end tomorrow and a good sleep is the only thing that I need.
